my Coming Out Story. Warning !! Some parts of these pages contain references to homosexuality and a gay lifestyle, although there is nothing of an explicit or adult nature. If you find this subject disturbing or distasteful, we would prefer you to leave now please.

Third Year at Secondary School

I met Dale at secondary school when we were both 14. We had a lot in common and became very close friends. I was often bullied at school, and didn't fight back because I was scared of getting hurt. There was one boy there called Steven, who was a rough type that got into trouble all the time. He was also the person who spread roomer about me being gay. He kept on beating me up because he didn't like gay people. The bullying got so bad that I skived off school sometimes to avoid him.

I tried to tell him I wasn't gay but that just made things worse. One day, when I was going back home after doing my paper round, he came up to me and threaten me with a knife, and told me to hand over the money that I had earned. I was so scared that I gave him the money, but luckily there was someone in the street who saw the whole thing. The matter end up going to court, but he lied about everything and was let off.

It was around this time that I began to feel that I might be gay, but I wasn't certain about it. I hated sports lessons at school, but I started to become very interested in watching the other boys when we were getting changed. I just couldn't take my eyes of these young guys showing off their naked bodies! I used to make a point of wearing a very long T-shirt and changing quickly so that they wouldn't notice that I was becoming aroused by what I saw!

Then, one day when we were changing, I saw the PE teacher getting change as well. I saw him turn I saw his naked body and his private parts! At that point I became convince that I was gay. I had looked at pictures of naked girls but they didn't do anything for me. I was turned on by looking at the PE teacher and those naked boys! The PE teacher was a very good looking guy, and I just could take my eyes off him! I kept these thoughts to myself, and I didn't even tell Dale about them. I started looking forward to sports lessons after that! at this time a New Guy started in my class, he's name was Daniel. He sate right next to me in classe room. i begain to become friends with Daniel,

Dale and I were sent to different class but we still keep in touch. But Daniel Stayed with me so I was very happy about this, but for me it wasn't what I wanted and that was one guy I hated Called Steward, this guy live near me too to he found out that I was a Cowered at fighting so picking on me was Easy for him. So he started balling me and Hurting me in all ways, but Daniel Some how Jumped in the way and Saw what was happening to me, and from that point he help me out in a lot of ways witch I was Rather happy having a friend like that. I heard some rumours that a guy in school called Nigel was gay. I wanted to meet him but I was too shy to speak to him. Nigel was in the same class as me for Art, Maths and Technical Drawing. One day I was siting in the library on my dinner break when Nigel came in. He saw me sitting there reading, and came over to me to he asked if he could talk to me in private. We went outside to the playing field, and started talking. He asked me if it was true that I was gay. I was somewhat taken aback, but I said that I was, and asked him why he wanted to know. He said that he was gay as well. I was 15½ at the time, and he had just turned 16. We talked about our pasts, and started eyeing up some of the good looking guys on the playing field.

After dinner we had an art lesson. Nigel was in my class but he was siting on his own, so I asked him to come and sit with me. The lesson involved making our own camera, taking some pictures with it, and then developing them in the darkroom. We had to lock the door to stop people coming in while we were developing the film. While we were waiting he ask me if we could have a bit of fun! We started playing with ourselves, then Nigel wanted us to play with each other. This was wonderful, and was even more proof that I was definitely gay. After school he invited me back to his place for some more fun. We saw each other often, but I lost contact with him after we left school. I later discovered that he had moved to America and settled down with someone.

I was still very close to Dale, but as a mate rather than a lover. I never told Dale that was having some sexual experience with another guy because I didn't know how he would react and I was scared that I would lose him as a mate. I think he knew what was going on, but he didn't say anything. I told Daniel about this too and from my surprise he told me that he was Bio, I did have any Close Relation with him because We were very much a Close Friend and we didn't want to loss that so we just became Very close friends.

Daniel Was my Best Friend I know Daniel from School.
Daniel was the Person Who really Help me out As much as dale did. Daniel really Carried for me in always. But

Daniel was Bio, but he was the most lovely Guy I could every had. I couldn't Believe all what he Done for me he Help me throw bad time and even got hurt to stop me getting hurt. Our Friend ship was very strong. Most evening I spent at he house because I always felt safe with him. Time passed and we got to know more and more about each other at this time I did notes that things where getting bad for him, because he was Bio the people who live near him kept Teasing him, this got so much for him, that one day when were was out in the park he took an over dose of Pills with out me seeing it, and them a few minuets later he said he felt ill and dizzy, and Collapsed on the floor this was when I found an Empty bottle in he's pocket, I didn't know what to do, I kept Shacking at him and Screaming for help. I felt like I was loosening my best friend and I was So helpless. I didn't know what to do. Until some one came along and told them what happen the rushed to a Nearest phone and called the Ambulance, well he did get better witch I was happy but in side I still felt guilty not doing anything. Well time pasted I moved away and we still kept in touch we sent letter and I popped over now and them.
But because he was in northampton and I was in Hereford it was about 2 hours drive so I could always do this. So Visiting him was a Bit of a nightmare.

After leaving school I couldn't find any work so I was put on a training scheme. I knew that Dale had become very ill but I didn't know what was wrong with him, or how bad it was. I didn't want to ask him about it, and he never mentioned the subject. We spent a lot of time together, going to various places that he wanted to visit.

After a few months I got a job at a garden center. One day I received a phone call from Dale's mum, saying that he had been taken into hospital. She said that he had cancer, and although it wasn't that serious they wanted to keep an eye on him. He started to get worse, and one day he asked me if I could do him a big favour. He said that he would really love to receive a signed photo of the Pet Shop Boys. I wrote letters to the fan club and to Parlophone, explaining why I need a photo of them. About two weeks later I got two signed photos of them, one was signed personally to Dale and the other was to me. I gave Dale his photo, and from the look on his face he was delighted.

He passed away the following day, the 4th of April 1987. I was lost for words but his parents did say that he wanted to thank me for the photo and that I had made his dream come true. I couldn't get over his death, but I was relieved that he had died happy. I starting wishing I had told him I was gay, but I was too late.

A few days later Dale's mum invited me to her house. She said that she wanted to give me something to remind me of him, as I was his only true friend. She also gave me a letter that Dale had written for me before he died. In the letter he said that he knew that I was gay, and about the things that were going on at school, and that he understood why I didn't want to tell him. He asked me not to be too upset about losing him, and that he would always be thinking of me where ever he was. After reading that letter I just broke down and cried for a long time. I still wished that I had been able to tell him I was gay, but it was a great comfort to know that he understood.

God bless you Dale, wherever you are. I am still thinking of you, and miss you. R.I.P 17th July 2004

Kevin

.I tried to pick my self up and start again. There wasn't much for gay people in Northampton at that time, but there was a disco on Thursday nights, which I attended most weeks. I started to meet gay people - Kevin was one of them. We went out together for about four weeks, and although nothing came of it, we did become close friends. One day he told me about a guy called Stewart, who lived near him. He said he would try to arrange for us to meet.

The following day at work I was introduced to a new employee - named Stewart! I wasn't sure if he was the same Stewart, until I asked him if he knew Kevin. I told him that I used to go out with Kevin, but that we were now just best friends. He asked me if I was now single, and said that he was. I found the courage to asked him out, and he said yes.

We started seeing each other and things were going quite well. We went out for night drives and sometimes to pubs and clubs. We had been together for around a year and I felt things were going very well. So we decided to get ourselves a small flat. We had a house warming party when we moved in. Some of our guests didn't know about us so I told them that he was sharing this flat with me because it's cheaper. I think that my mates guessed what the situation really was

Telling my Parents

I phoned my parents and arranged to visit them later that day, as I had something important to tell them. When I arrived my younger sister (Sue) was there too.

When I told them all, Sue said that she wasn't that surprised as she had thought for a while that I may have been gay. Mum said that she wasn't that shocked, she said that she had wondered about me for years. When I was young she said that I used to play with Sue's dolls and other girl's things, and wasn't that interested in boy's toys. She had also asked Sue about me previously, and Sue had told her that she thought I was gay. So mum had a good idea about it already, and was pleased that the wondering was over and that I had been able to tell her the truth.

My dad had more of a problem with the news. He refused to talk to me about anything, which hurt me. So one day I went up to my dad and said that I didn't care what he thought of me, but I still loved him and thanked him for bringing me up and looking after me. I said that I wasn't sorry that I didn't turn out like my other brother, but that this is my life and this is how I intended to live it. I made it clear that if he could not accept the way I am, then it was his problem and not mine. Two days later he phoned and asked if we could talk. I went round to see him, and he thanked me for saying what I had said, that day. He said that it had made him stop and think, that he would not throw me to one side just because I was different, and that I was still his son. He said that he loved me the way I am, but that it would take him some time to accept and understand my gayness. He finished by saying that as long as I was happy, then he would be happy for me.

I think most of his change of heart was due to Sue, because she had explained quite a lot to both my parents them about gay people, and helped them to understand and accept the situation. My dad has now come to terms with it, and accepts Paul as my lover. I have noticed that they get on very well. Mum also accepts Paul as my lover, and we all get on very well.

As for the other members of the family, well my older brother hasn't come to terms with the situation at all. I have tried talking to him but he just doesn't want to know. I very rarely see him so it doesn't really bother me. My older sister is slowly coming to terms with it, although I don't see her very often either. Sue has no problems with it at all, and we get on really well. My aunt already knows (mum told her) and she also said that she knew sometime ago.

The Jesus Army

One month later the garden centre went into liquidation, and we were both made redundant. I managed to get another job, and I thought Stewart was also out looking for work. However he had become involved with a religious group - the Jesus Army. Stewart was supposed to be looking for a new job but he kept making various claims and excuses, when in truth he was visiting the group, and foolishly I believed him. A few weeks later I had a phone call from someone in this group, and discovered that they were trying to convert him into being straight because they believe that being gay is a sin. I confronted Stewart about this, and be confirmed what I had been told was true. It was impossible for me to carry on seeing him after this.

Everything seemed to be going wrong in my life - firstly Dale, then my grandparents had passed away, and then losing Stewart. Also, one night when I was going back home, someone behind me knocked me out and stole my wallet and other valuables.

A couple of mouths later I decided to pick my life up again and start afresh. I went to see Kevin and we started to go out for a drink and a chat. At that time Stewart reappeared. He claimed he had left the religious group and wanted to carry on were we had left off. I fell for it - as you do. As the weeks passed I began to notice that something was not quite right. It turned out he had not left at all, but had been sent out to find some new 'sinners' to be 'converted'.

Paul

I felt I couldn't trust anybody after that - apart from Kevin. One day I was reading Kevin's copy of 'Gay Times', and looking through the contact ads, and Kevin encouraged me to answer a couple of them. One of the replies I received was from Paul. We kept writing, almost daily, for a few weeks until he invited me over to visit him.

Over Eight years later we are still together, and love each other as much as ever.

since I work for Woolworth's I have meet Quit a few friends and some of them Really do treat me like Shit. I cant understand why some people so this to me. But there are 2 People I have been Really close to but one of them have moved away to another store but SHE has kept here Promise and still kept in contact with me all the time. Thanks Sarah Your a Lovely Person to me ><><><><

I have to say a Very big thank you To James C For really helping me and Understanding me what I was going throw, James work with me at Woolworth's too, he knows how's to cheers me up when I'm been let down or upset.
I know if I ever want to talk to him I know he will listen and comfort me. Thanks also for taking me out now and then, this is sure what i realy do need. not beeing let down all the time by other people. He is sure one Very nice guy and "SEXY To " :)

Daniel B
thanks for your friendship i cant belive how long its been, We both been throw ups and down, glad your ok now. love u too

Thanks James & Sarah & Daniel your Friendship Really means allot to me. Thank you Darlings

If things are not going so well in your life, please don't despair. Somewhere out there is that special person, just waiting to meet you and make your life complete.

This is was sent to me some Years ago.

Friends are always there for you!
You are there for them!
Friends always help each Other out no matter what!
There are Always understanding and helpful! But
Most off All Friend Don't Treat you like S@*T.
So if you got a Friend Be kind to them, and open your heart to then. Because at the end friends are the only one who you can Really Cry to.
Because Friendships is for life.